Burial Information & Assistance
Deciding on your child’s final resting place is something no parent ever expects they will face. Making these decisions, while incredibly heartbreaking, is an act of tremendous love you can show to your baby. We understand how overwhelming these choices can be in the midst of your grief, and we are here to walk with you.
A note to families who were not able to have a burial, for any reason: In some cases, you may not have kept your baby’s remains after miscarrying or perhaps you sought medical treatment and the remains stayed with the hospital. If burial was not possible for your baby, please do not feel guilty. Decisions about a baby’s remains are usually made in moments of extreme grief, fear or isolation. In many circumstances we simply do not know what to do or how to ask. God knows your heart and He knows your circumstances. His grace and salvation are not dependent upon our location and even if your child’s final resting place is unknown, please rest in our Lord’s love and mercy.
Cemeteries
Below is a list of the Catholic cemeteries in the OKC metro area:
St. Martin’s Cemetery, Midwest City
St. Patrick’s Cemetery, Northwest Edmond (contact St. Monica Parish for information)
Resurrection Cemetery, Oklahoma City
If you are a parishioner at St. James the Greater in OKC (custodian of Immaculate Conception Cemetery) or St. Teresa of Avila in Harrah, contact your parish office for information about the cemeteries under their care.
For further information about your options in the Archdiocese of Oklahoma City, you can also contact the Respect Life Office.
In addition to the Catholic cemeteries listed above, many cemeteries have a special area for infants and these spaces are generally less expensive than a regular plot. Some cemeteries will also allow miscarried babies to be interred in a family member’s existing grave or columbarium niche. This is sometimes referred to as a “second right of interment.” Every cemetery has their own regulations so it is important to ask about what options may be available.
If burying your baby will present a financial hardship, ask the cemetery office if there is financial assistance available. If there is a cemetery at your parish, contact the parish office for information, as special rates may be available for parishioners. You can also contact the Sleeping Angels Foundation to inquire if they can assist your family. For further financial considerations, see the Practical & Financial Considerations section below.
Funeral Homes
Each hospital and cemetery will have specific requirements about whether a funeral director must be utilized. For early losses, (prior to 12 weeks) hospitals will generally release your baby’s remains back to you. For later losses, the services of a funeral director are often required.
Some funeral homes offer basic preparation and graveside services free of charge or for a minimal fee to families who lose a baby. This is more common with privately owned funeral homes, rather than corporate owned facilities. A few of these are listed below:
Barnes Friederich Funeral Home, Midwest City
Ingram, Smith & Turner Mortuary, Yukon
Matthews Funeral Home, Edmond
Mercer Adams Funeral Service, Bethany
Smith & Kernke Funeral Home, Oklahoma City
Burial Vessels and Gowns
Each cemetery will also have specific requirements about what type of vessel may be used for interment. Depending on cemetery regulations and also the gestational age of your baby, a small wooden box (purchased at your local craft store or handmade) can be decorated as a couple/family and used as a burial vessel. Funeral homes will sometimes provide a basic infant casket/vault free of charge. The following organizations also have different options to choose from:
There are several organizations that will provide a burial gown to families who lose a baby. If you deliver at home or if your hospital does not provide you with a gown, Angel Gowns Foundation of Oklahoma works directly with families who lose a baby at any gestation.
Practical & Financial Considerations
There are many things to consider as you make these decisions. If you have never been responsible for coordinating a burial before, as many of us have not, there are costs involved that we may not always anticipate.
Questions to decide as a family:
● Is it important for us to choose a cemetery near-by in case we feel we might want to visit often?
● Is there a cemetery where we have family members already interred that we might want to consider?
● Do we want to consider pre-purchasing plots for ourselves so that we can eventually be laid to rest next to our baby?
Questions to ask the cemetery:
● What is the cost of a plot in the cemetery?
● Are there any administrative or processing fees involved?
● What is the cost for the opening and closing of the grave? (Some more rural cemeteries will allow the family to take care of this for early miscarriages, rather than paying for someone else to be involved.)
● What kind of marker is required?
● Are we required to purchase a marker through the cemetery? If so, what is the cost of the required marker?
Again, we understand the stress of making these decisions in the midst of such deep grief. If you would like one of our volunteers to walk with you through the process, please see our contact page to reach us.