Naming Your Baby

If you have not yet selected a name for your baby, consider doing so. Even if you do not know the sex of your baby, there are many options for choosing a name. You can select a gender neutral name (Alex, Julian, etc), select both a masculine and feminine name for your baby’s first and middle names (Michael Mary) or give your baby a gendered name based on a feeling you may have had about their sex. There is no right or wrong way to go about naming your baby. Naming your child can offer you a more specific way to talk about and remember your little one.

In addition to naming your baby, you can have him or her memorialized in any number of ways. The following link is one of many options:

Shrine of the Unborn

Physical Mementos

One incredibly painful part of processing pregnancy and infant loss is that families often have so few tangible reminders of their baby. You can find your own meaningful ways to remember your baby if that feels important to you.

If you have ultrasound pictures of your baby, you can include them in a family picture wall or other display. If you had an ultrasound at any point in your pregnancy but do not have physical copies of the images, you can contact your healthcare provider and request copies. If you have neither of these, consider searching for a work of art that will help serve as a tangible reminder of your baby’s life and your love for them.

Some parents find solace in wearing a piece of jewelry that they can see and touch on a daily basis that reminds them of their baby. Some parents find they don’t want everyday reminders, but rather find comfort in items that they can reach for on especially hard days. For later losses, there are specially made mementos like weighted teddy bears, etc. that are the same weight as the baby you lost. For earlier losses, there are small sculptures at different gestational ages that might be comforting to families who have experienced miscarriage.

When a Burial Is Not Possible

Many losses occur early in a pregnancy and a burial is not possible. In some cases, you may not have kept your baby’s remains after miscarrying or perhaps you sought medical treatment and the remains stayed with the hospital. If burial was not possible for your baby, please do not feel guilty. Decisions about a baby’s remains are usually made in moments of extreme grief, fear or isolation. In many circumstances we simply do not know what to do or how to ask. God knows your heart and He knows your circumstances. His grace and salvation are not dependent upon our location and even if your child’s final resting place is unknown, please rest in our Lord’s love and mercy.

Ways Our Church Can Help

The Catholic Church offers solace to grieving parents through various liturgical rites and blessings. The Blessing of Parents After Miscarriage or Stillbirth can be especially comforting to families. You can request a Mass Intention in memory of your baby or that the name of your baby or Baby (your last name) be included in the prayers of the faithful for the recently departed. You can also contact your priest and discuss which rites might be appropriate for your situation. If your baby’s remains are not available for burial, this could include a Memorial Liturgy (within or outside the Mass.) If your baby’s remains are available for burial, this can include the Vigil for a Deceased Child, a Funeral Liturgy (either within or outside a Mass), the Rite of Committal and the Rite of Final Commendation for an Infant. Follow what feels right for your family and your circumstances.